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[Apr. 8th, 2012 | 09:40 pm] |
I think recently I've climbed out of a bubble that I have been living in for the longest time
In this bubble, I am expected to do well in everything that I touch, smell, hear
And to some point, I kind of believed in it
It was also because life put me at a disadvantage that I wanted very much to get out of it
But do we actually know when to stop? When to finally let go and decide and we've done enough for ourselves?
I do, I've come to a point where I think I'm alright and need to slow down a little
I'm not saying that I will stay stagnant and do nothing and just be
Of course not
We all learn everyday and we should always make a conscious effort to value-add to our well being
But there comes a point where we are alright with things and need to slow down a little don't we?
Sometimes, I feel like this isn't my own life that I'm living
I'm put into this box
What's the meaning of it then? When I do not get to make my own choices, when I do not get to live out the life I wanted?
Life is so short, why make things so complicated?
Why do we always have to prove ourselves blah blah blah
Am I not already making sensible enough decisions?
Two words really. I'm tired.
And because I feel cornered.
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2012 | 09:57 pm] |
I think I must have been unhappy for a long time now
Not unhappy in an angry manner
Its more of in a disappointed manner
And don't get me wrong here, I'm not angry at God
Its more of a plea of help to God
It must have built up for a long long time now because
For the first time, I did not have to think of work
Everything's been put on hold because my boss is on leave and its my 2nd last week at work
so I really don't have much work to do nor to think about
Its a rare occasion where I have time on my hands to reflect and think
And lo and behold, I felt sad, alone, depressed
Its the build up of the past few years of slogging, the past years of loneliness/ of being buried in my work away from the world, the past few months of fear every single minute of every single day
I fought for everything that I have in my life now
But do I really have?
I can't quite point out the cause
But I'm upset and worn out
and feeling more alone than ever
Its the worst feeling in the world
God where are you when I need you? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 13th, 2012 | 10:20 pm] |
I'm putting on my dancing shoes tonight
Ten thousand people waiting for me
Me I can hear them outside
From the curtain I sit behind
The drums kick in and the lights go down
My heartbeat drowns out the sound
The hands go up I sing my song
And a thousand voices sing along
I'm feeling a little like that today
Though its only been a short stay, its been a wonderful journey
My last day is 29 Feb
I begin at the new place in early March
I really can't wait to join them
I've finally gotten a job in one of my dream companies
And this time round, they want me more than I wanted them
Screammmmmmmmmmm! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2012 | 12:30 am] |
Wrapping up now...
2011 has not been an easy year. Its been very tough because of a lot of changes and also because I was generally still very new to the working world.
Schooling's just a lot easier you know? You know your end point and you know what you need to do to get to it, you need just to have more time. Straight forward, chop chop, its done.
Working's a tad more frustrating. You kind of know what your end points are. But new end points are always created or they are constantly moving. And then most of the time you have to find your own way towards the end point and it takes a heck load of time which you don't have. Overall, I've assimilated into the working well pretty well and adapted to the major changes it has caused in my life. Its just very different from schooling and I needed to recover from the culture shock.
Life's never a bed of roses. Crises occur to mold us into the people that we are today.
Anyway, here's to name some significant events for 2011:
March - I took over the leasing, franchising, HR and corporate secretariat portfolio and became a key role to the GM
April - Graduation Ceremony
August - Family trip to London and Paris
October - Job switch and finally a small break
November - Birthday celebrations
Overall, it has indeed been the year of restful increase. It has been tough but it all became possible. I still have a lot of unanswered questions but I guess one day I will look back and smile at all these. There also things that I once clung onto so dearly that I've learnt to let go of. And it feels great, really great. I used to have all kinds of ideas of what I may want. Its similar to the time when I first started looking for a job, I wasn't sure exactly what it was that I wanted but I had a bunch of stuff in mind. But once you know what you want, there's focus and its a lot easier to lead your life because there's direction and you're not scrambling in the dark hoping to hit the jackpot you know?
Blehhh. Anyway, I thank God for providing all these awesome people in my life to see me through at different stages of my life. As pastor said today, 2012 will be the year of unceasing fruitfulness in the year of drought. I am excited to see how this one unfolds.
Thank you Jesus for seeing me through as far as it is. (: |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2011 | 10:38 pm] |
A friend posted this song and its so apt, so meaningful at this point
I want to fly into this beautiful life
I think it'll be nice with you
Its ironic that someone so heartless would listen to this song
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 21st, 2011 | 11:23 pm] |
Its been a while since I've had such a good break
Yes, I just took a recent holiday to Europe
But my vacation was half spent worrying about the office and my work
So even though the past few days were "unpaid leave", it has been very much appreciated
I went for a pre-employment medical check up on thursday
I have not taken a urine sample in my life
So when they gave me a small little container and told me to get it done, I was slightly taken a back at how small the container was
Maybe it would be a lot easier for the guys
But couldn't the people who make urine sample bottles make it a little wider and less tall?
I quickly concluded that the team doing so must consist of guys
I was also mortified by the crowd in the waiting room, all waiting in line to see the doctor as well
There was a children's medical centre section so there were kid waiting around with their parents as well
And here, I have observed a variety of type of kids
There were the kids who have yet to see the doctor
Some are quiet and wide-eyed, resigned to their fate
There are others who were in denial and wanted a reward from their parents to justify the emotional pain experienced in visiting the doctor
One that fit this category was a boy, who looked five or six years old, who insisted on being brought to sakae sushi after seeing the doctor and repeated his request every few seconds to his father
His father was clearly ignoring him, much to the dismay of on-lookers who were probably hoping that he would discipline his own son
After about fifteen minutes the boy probably grew tired and sat there quietly, resigned to his fate like the others too
Then there are those who probably got tricked into going to the doctor's because they were playing games on their parents' iPhones (or their own maybe?)
Because when their names were called and they had to end the game and see the doctor, you could practically see the change in their expression to a really sad one
Though it was a torture to sit and wait for hours for my turn, it was interesting to witness all these (despite having a book to read)
So a friend and I were talking about our day's activities
And I said "I did something which I am so gonna regret tomorrow". And the immediate reaction I get is raised eyebrows.
It amazing how quick we are to stereotype or assume
I laughed because this was my good silly friend and meant no harm, just aching to make me smile
What I meant to say was that I did about 10 more laps at the swimming pool today compared to my usual number of laps
And I know that I will probably pay for it in the form of muscle aches tomorrow
Anyway, the new life begins on monday
I am slightly terrified about where I am going to land into since I am already out of the frying pan and just free falling |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2009 | 02:05 am] |
A lovely speech given about love:
Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning,
attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call
happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in
every way. We learn the true worthlessness of material things. We
celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.
Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important
to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen
by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows
slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a
silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is
less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the
heart.
You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not
reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to
inspire you.
Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes
to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your
body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It
consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2009 | 12:28 am] |
Back when I was in Montreal for the sister's graduation, I had swollen eyes
And it was really painful
So I kept repeating, "Pain...Pain..."
And sister said that pain in french means bread (now of course it isn't pronounce as pain literally, in the crude manner we articulate every letter in its due form)
So now whenever i have swollen eyes, i tell her "My eye bread"
and give her a sad face and point to my eye
I just did it to her just now
I let the sister watch a youtube video on a covert experiment done in a factory where chicks were mistreated
(its the video on your blog, Anna)
I checked that she was already done eating before showing it to her
Her expression was one of shock and that same expression was plastered to her face throughout the entire video
It was really funny, I was washing the dishes and I kept peeking at her and her expression did not change one bit
And just so you know, one should never ever watch "Fringe" and eat your meal
I have a habit of watching videos on my laptop while having my (late) dinners
And so I picked an episode of "Fringe"
Now "Fringe" is an awesome show really
Its almost like a combination of "The X Files" and "CSI Miami"
On one hand, they always seem to miraculously crack the case
And its full of sci-fi nonsense crap
But it has a clever storyline to it
and cases are always interesting
Its really worth watching
So when there were scenes of corpses and blood, I almost couldn't stomach my own dinner
Bad choice
School's been pretty much the same
1. I have classes, some good, others maddening
2. I am flooded in readings
3. I lack sleep
4. I have at least 2 cups of tea from school a day, sometimes 3
5. I have late dinners on weekdays
6. I really hate travelling to and from school
7. But I had a good day today, I did
No need for the details
Sometimes its nice to enjoy moments rather than thinking ahead
To Indulge in the moments before they are gone
Before they become memories that are intangible
Don't think ahead, think for the now
Yes I'm an economist (kind of, seeing that 2 out of 4 of my modules this year are econs modules), I must be rational, I must plan for future periods so that I can efficiently use my resources blah blah blah (today's macro lesson has influenced me somehow)
But don't forget, I'm an optimizer as well
And right now, I want to optimize my moments
By leaving aside the future and concentrating on the present (only in some cases), I optimize
(Please don't do this for your studies, its detrimental)
I am not against freedom of expression
By all means, feel free to do so
But I am definitely against it if its invading my private space (or anyone else's for that matter)
Some shut eye was needed today on the way home on the bus
(I may not necessarily sleep but some quiet and peace and rest might help)
3 minutes into serenity, a school boy boards the bus with clubbing music blaring from his phone
And this was at Macpherson, I still had about an hour of travel left before I was due home
Now there are some conclusions I drew from this:
1. He has no headphones and clearly wants to listen to his music
2. He has inferiority complex and requires some attention grabbing by playing loud music
3. He has no idea headphones exist
4. He likes to irritate people for the heck of it
Number 3 is probably the most illogical but haha, it was possible, seeing that I barely knew him, I will not make any assumptions
Okay clearly I'm talking rubbish because you can obviously see how negative I was towards him in my tone and choice of words
So yes, I was really pissed. I was PISSED.
But after I alighted it dispersed because I was really hungry by then
Hunger distracted me
Everything aside, I am swimming in a flood of readings and my eyes are half closing
so excuse me while i try to keep my head above the water
I might fall asleep much earlier than the usual 3am tonight/today |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2008 | 04:07 pm] |
with mega burgers slowly becoming a trend in singapore,
someday, (insert fast food joint name) is going to kill us all.
nope, not global warming and not the weapons we make.
its what we eat.
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